Category Archives: CraigsList Crashes

CraigsList Crashes: Volume 3

Hers.

Everyone knows that CraigsList is full of the good, the bad, and the ugly and boy, can it get really ugly.  The posts that crack me up the most are those where the ugly stuff is listed for a fortune.  I mean, seriously people, just because you decided to buy it at one point doesn’t mean it holds value.

Case and point: this mirror.  Does your living room need a nice piece above the fireplace?  Or does your dining room need a beautiful accent mirror to hang above the buffet?  Or does your entry need a mirror that you can check your make-up before you step out the door?  Well, have I found a classy piece for you!

Playboy Mirror

My biggest question is who’s home decor would this fit into?  They better hope Hugh Hefner is a CraigsList searcher. And doesn’t already have one.

Want to get an early start on Father’s Day this year?  You’re in luck- I have the best gift idea for you!  For a mere $350, you could give Dad everything he needs.  Hint: it’s stuffed AND adds some style to his wardrobe.

Peacock

At least they recognize that the tie is ugly.  I’m not sure that I agree with their “this is a gift that keeps on giving” promise.  I think the only consequence this present would have would be my dad gifting me with something equally as priceless… such as the item listed below.

Tiger Candle

Now, I see a few problems with this piece:

  1. What sick person wants to watch a tiger burn in front of their eyes?  That’s got to be some sort of animal cruelty.
  2. A conversation piece?  Well, that’s probably true.  Here’s the conversation I envision happening when your guests come over and see it.  Guest: “Uh, what is that?” Candle owner: “It’s a tiger candle!” Guest: “Did you lose a bet?  Or get stuck with the worst white elephant gift?” Candle owner: “Oh no, I just think it’s a great centerpiece for my table!” Guest: “But… why do you want to burn a tiger?” Candle owner: “Oh, but isn’t it stunning work?” Guest: “Um, I have to go.”
  3. Not only is this most ridiculous candle I’ve seen on CraigsList but it comes with a ridiculous price tag.  Seriously, you think this thing is worth $125?  Really?  Really??
  4. Curious as to how quickly this thing would go, I periodically look for it on CraigsList to see if the ad had been taken down yet, in which I would then assume it had been purchased.  It was posted at the start of 2013, and guess what?  As of today, it’s still available.  Shocking!

This post wins “Best Photo” award.  Nevermind the ridiculous price they have for this daybed (a cheap metal bed frame from the early 90s shouldn’t cost $150 people!).  What I love about this is that the woman holding the bed is clearly trying to avoid being in the picture but instead of scooting over so she’s able to crop herself out, she just smiles but doesn’t look at the camera, hoping she blends in with all the other junk around her.  You can’t fool us!  We see you!!

Canopy Bed

And now to name the winner of the “Worst Boyfriend of Eternity” title.

Motorcycle

So, not only is he willing to trade his future fiancé’s ring for a motorcycle but he’s willing to take a $5,000 loss for it!  Well sir, congrats to you on sealing your fate as a bachelor for life.  At least you can ride off into the sunset with… yourself.

His.

I think one of my favorite pages on the internet is the “free” section of Craigslist. Not only can you snatch up some good stuff for free if you can quick-draw your phone as soon as it’s posted, but I also realized some people use it as a two-way street, meaning they want something for free, too. This is a prime example:

Broken Concrete

Here, this guy has cleverly disguised this ad as an offer for free concrete chunks, but what he’s really hoping for is some free labor to haul it away. If you have no way to haul off your busted up patio, maybe you shouldn’t have busted up your patio, dude.

This next guy really gets it, though. This is clearly an individual who understands the male laborer, that we will do just about anything for beer. I can’t count the number of times I’ve worked on a friend’s car, saving them thousands of dollars over taking it to a shop, all in exchange for $8 worth of beer. The true brilliance of this ad lies in this guy’s presumably successful ploy to get rid of two unwanted things, his old wood and this pile of the cheap beer no one else wanted. Except the wine coolers, your wife can have those.

Free Beer

I love a good riddle, and here’s a doozy:

Worthless Garbage

Is it worthless? Or is it worth $10? I’m betting his wife told him he couldn’t watch the game until he posted their stuff on Craigslist.

This next post is another fun riddle. The only thing I can think of that fits conveniently into a TV box is… well, a TV, and literally 100% of the TVs I have bought came in their own box. So, begs the question, what do I need a TV box for? This guy also wins the award for the “greatest overestimation of demand for a product” of all time.

TV Box

Hey, a sculptu- wait, what?

Bulemia

One of my favorite things to do when I’m bored is just look at random ads on Craigslist. You get a feel for exactly who is using the internet these days, especially when they’re from east Texas. This guy apparently has a slightly different concept of what guinea pigs are for than us “city folk” do.

Guineas

This might actually be my favorite ad of all time, though. First of all, it’s a good price on goggles. Second, I love this guy’s enthusiasm for selling his goggles. But most importantly, it demonstrates exactly why I don’t eat at Braums, and frankly seeing a guy bent on combining ice cream and goggles wouldn’t be the strangest thing I’ve ever seen there.

Army Sand Goggles

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CraigsList Crashes: Volume 2

Hers.

It’s that time again!  Time to review all the weird stuff we stumble across on our never-ending CraigsList quest for hidden treasures!

I love the recent trend on CraigsList where people try to be sly about asking for free manual labor.

Example One.  Take this guy for example.  S/he obviously doesn’t want to mess with this GIANT cactus in his yard but instead of digging it out himself or hiring a yard crew to take care of it, he posts it on CraigsList as if a free cactus will win him the humanitarian of the year award.

Example Two. The owner who desperately needs to work on his/her descriptions.  “Fairly large” and “in good condition” aren’t exactly the words that come to mind when I take a look at the photos.  More like, “massive,” “leaning,” and “half dead.”

Example Three.  Free rocks!  Which sadly is exactly the thing I was searching for at the time… in our quest to build the best waterfall/fountain ever (we’re a long way off by the way).  Anyway, as desperate as this guy sounds, all I want to do is shoot him a note that says, “you know these are mostly pebbles, right?”  I may also add something along the lines of “P.S. invest in a ‘Grammar and Spelling for Dummies’ book.”

Example Four.  The beehive.  I’m pretty sure this is a lawsuit waiting to happen.  Here’s how I see this going down: a honey-crazed person comes to your house, chops down the beehive, gets stung a couple hundred times, sues for negligence, and boom… you’re suddenly wishing you had just chopped that thing down yourself… or just left it.  This guy’s too cheap for his own good.

His.

I love perusing the “free” section of Craigslist because ever since eBay and “repurposing” became popular, something has to be exceptionally worthless to not have a buyer lurking out there somewhere. I mean, we even sold that nasty old faucet from our guest bathroom (more on that here). Below are some of my latest finds:

Sometimes I watch shows about hoarders and wonder where they even find all that junk. And then I read ads like this:

This guy is clearly in denial that his old TV needs to be put out of his misery. Look man, sometimes a piece of trash is just a piece of trash. Even if it looks like a TV. Besides, this is Texas- shouldn’t it read, “free target”?

A 50lb feed bag? Better save your $10… because you need therapy.

This one is the worst marketing ever. Free house? Please. You’ve got to make it exciting, or people won’t want it: “Free movie set! Film your action scene by driving a car through this house! Filming a horror movie? No problem! It’s already filled with gruesome murder weapons!”

Want more crazy?  Check out our CraigsList Crashes Volume 1 here.

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Craigslist Crashes: Volume 1

Hers.

In all our days of perusing Craigslist for new things to redo, we’ve found some pretty weird posts.  Some so weird that we had no choice but to start a new segment detailing these gems.  So, enjoy!

Translation: Husband goes through mid-life crisis in the middle of fulfilling his wife’s grocery list at CostCo and needs to do something masculine.  He runs across a display for 24 Hour Fitness memberships on sale.  Bingo!  Wife finds out.  Wife says, “you better use it.”  Husband forgets about it.  Wife joyously sings I told you so for the next week and triumphantly lists it on CraigsList.  Husband gets out of CostCo shopping for the next year.  Tie game.

I’m really bummed I missed the original ad… and I’m sure crowds of other people were just as disappointed they missed out on free water and, most of all, toilet paper.  I’m just hoping it wasn’t used…

I have to hand it to Mike, he’s quite the capitalist.  Why not have your lawn trimmed and cleared for free in exchange for giving them what they cut?  Genius!

Oooh a secret mirror!  Only worth it if it tells you who is the fairest of them all.

This post makes me gag… not because of the picture but because of the thought that there may be an answer to “whatever dirty mattresses are used for.”

And now for the CraigsList Hall of Shame: the ugliest items listed on the site.

Further proof that Texans will put cow horns on anything (I’m so ashamed).

I don’t know what’s worse- the fact that they used the word “beautiful” or that they’re asking money for this.

His.

When I’m bored, I like to look at Craigslist because it’s like the Internet’s version of a swap meet. You can find just about anything and if you know how to manipulate the search engine, there are some good deals to be had. Below, I’ve compiled a list of some real treasures, the kind of once-in-a-lifetime deals I live for.

I actually have to credit a co-worker for finding this one, but what a steal! If only I could describe the frustration of scouring the internet for a used computer, only to find out it had been on a boat or motorcycle! A computer that has been exposed to a maritime environment is an immediate deal-breaker for me.

Made fresh daily- it must be good! But seriously, what are “shavings”???

I tried to convince Julie that these would be perfect for our Dokken-themed office, but she said she didn’t like the Chiefs.

Seriously, though, this guy is my hero, and he deserves an award for being totally metal.

I feel like this is probably a ploy to get me into a sales pitch. Free ice? If it seems to good to be true, it probably is.

DONE!

Did anyone else notice that it doesn’t necessarily say they’re unused?

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