CraigsList Crashes: Volume 3

Hers.

Everyone knows that CraigsList is full of the good, the bad, and the ugly and boy, can it get really ugly.  The posts that crack me up the most are those where the ugly stuff is listed for a fortune.  I mean, seriously people, just because you decided to buy it at one point doesn’t mean it holds value.

Case and point: this mirror.  Does your living room need a nice piece above the fireplace?  Or does your dining room need a beautiful accent mirror to hang above the buffet?  Or does your entry need a mirror that you can check your make-up before you step out the door?  Well, have I found a classy piece for you!

Playboy Mirror

My biggest question is who’s home decor would this fit into?  They better hope Hugh Hefner is a CraigsList searcher. And doesn’t already have one.

Want to get an early start on Father’s Day this year?  You’re in luck- I have the best gift idea for you!  For a mere $350, you could give Dad everything he needs.  Hint: it’s stuffed AND adds some style to his wardrobe.

Peacock

At least they recognize that the tie is ugly.  I’m not sure that I agree with their “this is a gift that keeps on giving” promise.  I think the only consequence this present would have would be my dad gifting me with something equally as priceless… such as the item listed below.

Tiger Candle

Now, I see a few problems with this piece:

  1. What sick person wants to watch a tiger burn in front of their eyes?  That’s got to be some sort of animal cruelty.
  2. A conversation piece?  Well, that’s probably true.  Here’s the conversation I envision happening when your guests come over and see it.  Guest: “Uh, what is that?” Candle owner: “It’s a tiger candle!” Guest: “Did you lose a bet?  Or get stuck with the worst white elephant gift?” Candle owner: “Oh no, I just think it’s a great centerpiece for my table!” Guest: “But… why do you want to burn a tiger?” Candle owner: “Oh, but isn’t it stunning work?” Guest: “Um, I have to go.”
  3. Not only is this most ridiculous candle I’ve seen on CraigsList but it comes with a ridiculous price tag.  Seriously, you think this thing is worth $125?  Really?  Really??
  4. Curious as to how quickly this thing would go, I periodically look for it on CraigsList to see if the ad had been taken down yet, in which I would then assume it had been purchased.  It was posted at the start of 2013, and guess what?  As of today, it’s still available.  Shocking!

This post wins “Best Photo” award.  Nevermind the ridiculous price they have for this daybed (a cheap metal bed frame from the early 90s shouldn’t cost $150 people!).  What I love about this is that the woman holding the bed is clearly trying to avoid being in the picture but instead of scooting over so she’s able to crop herself out, she just smiles but doesn’t look at the camera, hoping she blends in with all the other junk around her.  You can’t fool us!  We see you!!

Canopy Bed

And now to name the winner of the “Worst Boyfriend of Eternity” title.

Motorcycle

So, not only is he willing to trade his future fiancé’s ring for a motorcycle but he’s willing to take a $5,000 loss for it!  Well sir, congrats to you on sealing your fate as a bachelor for life.  At least you can ride off into the sunset with… yourself.

His.

I think one of my favorite pages on the internet is the “free” section of Craigslist. Not only can you snatch up some good stuff for free if you can quick-draw your phone as soon as it’s posted, but I also realized some people use it as a two-way street, meaning they want something for free, too. This is a prime example:

Broken Concrete

Here, this guy has cleverly disguised this ad as an offer for free concrete chunks, but what he’s really hoping for is some free labor to haul it away. If you have no way to haul off your busted up patio, maybe you shouldn’t have busted up your patio, dude.

This next guy really gets it, though. This is clearly an individual who understands the male laborer, that we will do just about anything for beer. I can’t count the number of times I’ve worked on a friend’s car, saving them thousands of dollars over taking it to a shop, all in exchange for $8 worth of beer. The true brilliance of this ad lies in this guy’s presumably successful ploy to get rid of two unwanted things, his old wood and this pile of the cheap beer no one else wanted. Except the wine coolers, your wife can have those.

Free Beer

I love a good riddle, and here’s a doozy:

Worthless Garbage

Is it worthless? Or is it worth $10? I’m betting his wife told him he couldn’t watch the game until he posted their stuff on Craigslist.

This next post is another fun riddle. The only thing I can think of that fits conveniently into a TV box is… well, a TV, and literally 100% of the TVs I have bought came in their own box. So, begs the question, what do I need a TV box for? This guy also wins the award for the “greatest overestimation of demand for a product” of all time.

TV Box

Hey, a sculptu- wait, what?

Bulemia

One of my favorite things to do when I’m bored is just look at random ads on Craigslist. You get a feel for exactly who is using the internet these days, especially when they’re from east Texas. This guy apparently has a slightly different concept of what guinea pigs are for than us “city folk” do.

Guineas

This might actually be my favorite ad of all time, though. First of all, it’s a good price on goggles. Second, I love this guy’s enthusiasm for selling his goggles. But most importantly, it demonstrates exactly why I don’t eat at Braums, and frankly seeing a guy bent on combining ice cream and goggles wouldn’t be the strangest thing I’ve ever seen there.

Army Sand Goggles

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4 Comments

Filed under CraigsList Crashes

4 responses to “CraigsList Crashes: Volume 3

  1. Justine

    Haha – we have Gumtree in Australia – it must be pretty similar to Craigslist eh? But the guineas he’s selling are probably Guinea Fowl, not pigs. Might explain a lot. Never seen a rodent lay eggs….

    • DO or DIY

      Good point, I guess I assumed “lay” just referred to the general birthing of an animal (east Texans really aren’t known for their extensive vocabularies). Thanks for the info!

      -Chris

  2. Crystal

    Yep guinea fowl. We had them as kids and we are from Nolan Ryan’s home town, Alvin, Tx. 30 miles south of Houston. They actually make pretty good watch dogs; actually, come to think of it, better than most so called watch dogs. Difference between city folks and country folks, I guess. Love the blog so far.

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