… you buy a cowboy boot planter. I actually debated whether I should buy it or not wondering if it was too kitschy. As I stood in the middle of the nursery at Lowe’s pondering if my backyard needed a 3 foot boot, Chris waited impatiently behind me (though you’d think he’d be used to my indecisiveness by now). I finally came to the conclusion that one should not buy a giant boot on impulse so I decided to sleep on it (if you know me really well, you know I’m not kidding).
Morning came and my mind was made up- that boot would be mine. As Chris and I headed into Lowe’s, we split up to save time: he to gather our bazillionth gallon of paint (and to take a detour through “Tool World”), and I to head out to the nursery.
To my surprise, what was once a palette full of boots for the taking, was now the home of one, lonely boot. In a mere 24 hours, a total of 11 boot planters had been swiped off this palette.
I immediately felt two emotions:
1) relief that I wasn’t the only crazy Texan out there who thought his/her life was incomplete without a cement boot in the garden
2) determined that I was going to get the last boot. I mean it was practically looking at me with sad, puppy dog eyes saying “adopt me!”
The biggest problem I faced was that the boot weighed 100 lbs. Literally. One. Hundred. Pounds. So it wasn’t like I could just heave it in my basket and call it good. But I was determined- I was not letting this thing out of my sight. Who knows what other Texas divas could be lurking around, waiting to snag my treasure. I guarded my boot and sent frantic telepathic messages to Chris for help. He finally wandered out, not knowing he was about to be recruited for my covert ops mission.
With Chris on the lookout, I grabbed a few flowers for my new planter and rushed to the cash register to stake my claim. As new customers filtered through the front door, I gave them my best “don’t you dare touch my boot” stare as I waited to be rung up.
Receipt in hand, I could almost taste sweet victory. Chris pulled the car around as I continued to guard the perimeter. A few heave-ho’s later, the boot was sitting comfortably in my car trunk.
I’ve had a lot of weird experiences at the hardware store, most of which start out with “well I was trying to explain Julie’s idea to the guy, when…” I must say, though, that this weekend may have topped the list. As we were checking out at the nursery register after picking up a few new plants, the guy behind the counter casually asks, “hey, you guys want a boot?”
“A boot. See?”
Initially, I thought he was Canadian, but then I saw that he was pointing at a pallet of, well, boot planters. I thought he was kidding (and I think he was), so I laughed and said no, we didn’t have a need for a three-foot boot planter. Because we didn’t. Upon leaving the store, though, I realized I was wrong, because Julie began begging me for a giant boot. I thought she was kidding, too, but I began to realize that she was dead serious, and she really wanted that boot. I mean, we’re pretty Texan, but… we’re not that kind of Texan. So I told her to sleep on it.
The next day we ended up having to go back to the store for something completely unrelated (the story of our lives), and much to my surprise there was only one boot remaining, meaning at least eleven other people are as insane as my wife. Anyway, Julie shot me in the face with her sad puppy eyes and a few minutes later, I was standing at a cash register saying “excuse me, sir… I’d like to buy that boot”. Julie jumped for joy and stood guard while I fetched the car. I backed up to the pallet and grabbed the boot and… uuuuuunnnnnnnnhhhhhh! This stupid boot weighed at least 100 pounds! I wrestled it into the trunk and away we went.
Julie has a pretty nasty habit of wanting to see things placed 10,000 different ways before making a decision, but this time I told her that the first place I set the boot was also the last place I’d set the boot, so we determined the most level spot in the area we wanted, and that’s where this thing will stay until we move. I have to admit that once we put some plants in it, it didn’t look nearly as tacky as I thought it would… but then again, it’s still a giant concrete boot.